Today, we have a unique and thought-provoking guest joining us on the show. Richard Poplak, an expert in geopolitics, astrophysics, history, economics, and all-round extra-cool reincarnation of Hunter S. Thompson, will be applying his knowledge of local wines to the various violent conflicts around the world today.

Poplak: Thank you for having me. It's an unusual concept, but I’m excited to share my expertise with you. By the way, it’s pronounced “poep-lick” – you know, like the French.

Host: Oh, my apologies. Thanks for the correction! I understand you first gained acclaim for this talent in the wake of various farm murders in the white community. Care to fill in the audience?

Poplak: Yes, the right-wingers tend to lack cultural depth, and when I and my friend and pornography enthusiast Pierre de Vos suggested that their farm attacks were best appreciated as an accompaniment to a fine white wine, we got an enormous backlash, but I think it’s catching on now.

I think the Blanc-de-blanc Allesverloren has made a real comeback since then.

Host: Yes, yes! Those Boertjies can be awful touchy about that subject. Does Pierre have much of a wine nose?

Poplak: Well, as I understand it, he has been rather fond of the French Bordeaux blend Petit Garçon. But I find he has too much of an ivory tower approach, whereas my deep and intimate knowledge of the real world gives me a great advantage in aesthetically appreciating how wine combines with the bloodier human tragedies.

Host: Of course. Do you find local massacres are easier to swallow, or do you find the wine finds its partner more naturally?

Poplak: Well our issues are really parochial, just little snacks really. Ultimately all human suffering is the same, and human deaths are a fungible and indivisible spreadsheet of suffering. To be concerned with any particular tragedy, it really has to be meaty and substantial enough to care about at all. The problem is we tend to snack too much, and never find time to really get stuck into a meal. So for the Marikana Massacre, for example, you can just as easily wash it down with a vodka or some papsak to really get into the Kasi spirit. I really do have a lot of black friends, you know.

Host: Well I’ll take your word for it! How would you pair a wine with an event like the Rwandan Genocide?

Poplak: Well, the Rwandan Genocide was a powerful, shocking and complex event. I would pair it with a bold and intense red wine, perhaps a nice strong Cabernet Sauvignon. After all, Cabernet achieves its peak after seven years, and the Rwandan genocide only truly found the peak of its flavours as its consequences spilled over into the Congo War in 2000, which claimed an absolutely exhilarating 6 million lives. The complexity of the wine can symbolize the intricate web of historical, political, and social factors that contributed to that horrific event.

Host: That's a thoughtful choice. Moving on to another challenging topic, how about the pairing for the Syrian Civil War?

Poplak: Given the prolonged nature and the multitude of factions involved in the Syrian Civil War, I would opt for a blend, maybe a drier, more fiery Spanish wine – I’ve always been partial to a Rioja, which has such a peppery aroma. Fairview Wines do a lovely one. The wild mix of aromas coming together definitely reflects the violent ethnic tensions quite well.

Host: Interesting approach. Now, let's shift to a more recent event— the crisis in Gaza. Most would find this to be a tricky pairing, considering the polarising nature of the conflict.

Poplak: Well, the Gaza conflict is really more of a two-course meal. So what you really want is a clear white, perhaps a Sauvingon blanc, to pair well with the fishier elements of the Hamas incursion, before moving onto a desert wine to balance the exquisite tenderness of the roasted children’s corpses under the rubble after the retaliatory phase.

Host: A poignant choice. I imagine you might have something in hand for that old classic, the Holocaust? Most seem to find this one hard to swallow, but you have mentioned you have a good suggestion for us.

Poplak: Yes – quite the challenge! But I find with such a vast meal one must engage the more delicate wines to cut through the richer flavours. I find a Gewürztraminer to be best – the aroma of rose petals, undercut by a gentle maudlin sweetness, and a hint of an almost… ash-like note. German wines are often underrated, and the Gewürtz criminally so.

Host: Well thank you Mr Poplak, this has been enriching.

Poplak: My pleasure. It's important to find meaningful ways to discuss and remember these impactful moments in history. Cheers to fostering awareness and understanding through unconventional means.